Debbie has fostered for Lincolnshire County Council for 14 years. She is a single carer who fosters girls aged between 0-18 years plus.
She currently looks after young people long-term and offers respite care. In the past, she has offered emergency placements and she has experience caring for sibling groups and children with autism, ADHD, borderline personality disorders, and foetal alcohol spectrum disorder. She shared her experience.
“I became a foster carer after a divorce; when our marriage broke down it was difficult for our four girls to stay connected. Our busy household was and felt empty. Our home had always been an open playground for children from the village. I just loved to hear kids playing in the garden. I would make a mound of sandwiches and jugs of squash. It was a close friend who suggested that I should consider fostering. After a short time considering the idea, I asked for more information. A year later I was approved and I have never looked back.
“The very next day I was asked to have two brothers aged three and five years old. I accepted and life was never the same. They were amazing, full of life, into all kinds of mischief. They were amazed to have three meals a day, beds to sleep in, they played submarines in the bath, had bedtime stories, lots of hugs and went to school every day. We had firm boundaries around healthy diet, bedtimes, play, school, and no violence. We went everywhere together, the park, football, holidays, we were close to the beach and went most weekends. After three years with us, they were adopted. Oh gosh, it was so hard to see them go, I cried and cried, it was a huge wrench. I wondered if I should have adopted them myself. Still, we stayed in touch for a few years and what a wonderful life they were given.
“What I love about fostering is that I can help them face their challenges [...]. I am with them offering support, loving care, and guidance. As well as the more mundane...!
“After five years fostering, my mum became ill so we moved to Lincolnshire to care for her. At this time, I thought about a change in direction and so took a year out. Unsurprisingly, I missed having children around, our family home was far too quiet. My eldest was at uni and my youngest was going to secondary school. So, with the blessing of my very supportive family, I went back to fostering and joined LCC. My youngest daughter tells me that fostering has taught her to be compassionate, to have a wider understanding of children’s needs. So, children again filled our home with their busy lives, their challenges, clutter, noise, and I now had another opportunity to give a home to children who needed one. As a single parent and carer, I made the decision to foster girls long-term.
“My first young person stayed with us for five years. She loved school and never missed a day. We would pile into the car and go to the beach, walk the dog, tried ice skating and so much more. She studied hairdressing at college. I was so proud of her achievements. At 17 she moved into her boyfriend’s home and now has two lovely children of her own.
“Within a month we had blended another girl into our growing family. She stayed for 12 years. At 17 she left to go into independent living. It was such a hard time for us to see her leave, helping her to move, yet a time of growth and maturity. Independent living offers a sort of half-way house for young people. They have 24/7 help available, who offer advice on money management, understanding official letters, budgets and buying food, cooking and education etc. This tends to last for six months and very occasionally longer.
“Yet another young person, from Latvia, stayed with us past 18 on the Staying Put Scheme. This is a good way of supporting young people into adulthood. They have rights within your home, but you both agree some ground rules. The fostering allowance continues, but it includes a portion of earnings from the young person. She is now studying law with the Open University whilst working for the local council.
“Another amazing young person is a stunning pianist and composer. She has already passed several grades with the Royal Academy of Music. She is a wonderful performer, has a brilliant way with words and I have often said she should write a book. Another is a wonderful mum to three beautiful boys and another is an amazing rider.
“What I love about fostering is that I can help them face their challenges, such as transitioning to senior school, studying for and passing exams, learning about different relationships, learning to drive, buying the first car, moving in with a boyfriend, finding a job, getting promoted. I am with them offering support, loving care, and guidance. As well as the more mundane cooking, cleaning, reminding about homework, talking through problems, doing the washing, and repeatedly asking them to tidy their rooms!
“So, for me long-term fostering means that the children become part of your family and you are theirs. I hope that I help them to be strong, independent, confident individuals who feel supported to follow their passions and dreams. I have had many wonderful and positive memories from fostering.
“I know this all sounds so wonderfully positive, yet we should remember that children who are in the care system will have suffered some trauma. However, we all get the chance to attend some cutting-edge training, designed to offer insights into how we can help traumatised young people. Reassuringly, you are not left alone to cope. The children’s social workers and your own supervising social worker are always there to offer help.
“Additionally, there are some amazing carers who offer advice and a listening ear for those times when things are tough.
These wonderful groups can be contacted through WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram. In Lincolnshire we are a group of carers who support each other. To me we are a community giving young people a home.”
In Lincolnshire more foster carers are needed to look after some of the county's most vulnerable children and young people.
Each application to foster is considered on an individual basis and you can be a foster carer regardless of your marital status, sexuality, employment status, ethnicity or religion. However, you do need to have a spare bedroom for a young person to use.
In terms of practicalities, there is a fostering allowance, as well as good support and training for those who provide a home for a young person in need.
If you feel that you could offer a home to a young person, apply to foster today at www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/fostering or call our friendly team on 01522 554114.